everybody was saying that it would be my turn next. dont know why but i did not like the sound of it. sounds like my fate is concealed and there is no room for what-ifs. no doubt i have a wonderful princess but the thing is i am not even engaged. i feel mocked.

i wonder would this be the topic in future family gatherings. i love my family but i really hoped they would stop asking me when i would get married and telling me that i would be the next. there are really things such as what-if and shit-happens.

***

though it has already passed but for the first time i really dont feel like talking to them. its not their fault, i know. i am just not happy with the way they deal with the incident - asking us to believe and forgive a person who is not sincere in apologising. and when we dint, they made the whole thing like our freaking fault!! unbelievable!!

it really pained my heart, a day that i ever lose hope in someone, and i will never forget. the way he apologise just freaks me and pisses me off. kneeling and words with no meaning. all this while i just need him to sincerely apologise and 醒悟. i dont need the kneeling and i dont really need the word 'sorry'. i just need him to really feel sorry and fixed my sister. but all he did was deny and shouting saying we are forcing him to a corner. until now, i cant figure out was he begging for forgiveness or begging us to not tell the family.

and to think that i have to tell my future family of my past.. that scares the hell out of me. i feel like i am carrying a scar of some criminal offence that i cant remove.

i know you said i dont need to. i think it my duty to at least let your parents know i dont want to feel that i have cheated them in any ways least it come out in public...

it has been quiet for quite sometime but i feel unsettled. i could not sleep for a few nights after that night. but i convinced myself that they would stay low until after today and get some sleep. now that my cousie's wedding is over, i am really worried and i am losing my sleep again.